Richard Youngblood, aspiring Congressman, is about to find out about honesty. Heâs running on a platform of honesty and transparencyâand against the advice of his friends and advisers heâs decided to start with himself. His autobiography will lay his entire life bare before voters just days before the election.
And what a life heâs had. Born in a commune and named Richard Milhous Nixon Youngblood as an angry shot at his absent father, Richard grows up in the spotlight, the son of an enigmatic fugitive and the grandson of a Republican senator. Heâs kidnapped and rescued, kicked out of college for a prank involving turkeys, arrested in Hawaii while trying to deliver secrets to the CIAâ¦Dick Nixon Youngbloodâs ready to tell all.
Heâll even tell his readers about the Amandasâthree women who share a name but not much else, and who each shaped and defined the man heâs become.
Are voters really ready for the whole truth?
Pianist in a Bordello is a hilarious political romp through the last four decades of American history, from a narrator who is full of surprises.
Targeted Age Group:: 30 to 80: Readers who have experienced some history tend to really get excited over this book.
Heat/Violence Level: Heat Level 1 – G Rated Clean Read
What Inspired You to Write Your Book?
My life as a soldier in Vietnam and a history teacher for 36 years provided a back drop for me to write a book as retirement loomed ahead. It is a fictional autobiography of Richard Milous Nixon Youngblood, who was born in a hippy commune on election day, 1968 and his mother, in an act of vengeance against the her absent husband, named him after the newly elected President.
My main inspiration in writing this novel was entertaining myself with my own words, that are often funny and sometimes meaningful. Like my narrator, I wanted to make some sort of impact on society.
How Did You Come up With Your Characters?
The characters seem to pop out of the pages of history books and the people I have known throughout my life.
P R O L O G U E
Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to
be smart enough to understand the game, but dumb enough
to think itâs important.
âSenator Eugene McCarthy
âDick, you canât be a great congressman if you never get
elected,â Emily said.
âAh, the conundrum of seeking elected office.â I stood up
straight, all six feet two-plus inches of me, and gestured toward
the wide windows and the modest Sacramento cityscape beyond.
In my own mind, I was professorial in tone and as inspiring as
Kennedy at Brandenburg Gate.
Tim frowned. âEmilyâs right. Your chances of election are
almost nil if you really put everything in your book. So whatâs the
âItâs the truth as I know it,â I said. âThe first completely honest
Emily groaned and jabbed her Clintonesque thumb at me.
âWhy the hell did I agree to be your campaign manager?â
âYou loved my commitment to candor?â
âThis isnât candor, itâs â¦ itâsââ
âItâs too close to the election,â my legal adviser, Tim Escuella,
said. âIt makes you look flippant.â
âItâs not flipââ
Mike C. Erickson
âItâs muck,â Emily said. âAt least let us put a positive spin
That was when Bradford Nayan, my publisherâs representative,
âWhatâs up, Brad?â I said. âReady for the next chapter?â
âActually, I was hoping to talk you into a little â¦ fine-tuning.â
âThe kidnapping stays, but the yellow submarineââ
âThatâs the way it happened,â I said. âThe sub stays.â
Brad held up his hands. âItâs just that we donât think this
bookâas it stands nowâ will help you get elected.â
âSo your company is jumping on my campaign bus?â
âLook, Dickâyou win, your book makes money. You lose,
weâre lucky to break even.â
âAnything else?â I said.
âWeâd like you to dial back the sex. More Jimmy Carter, less
âSorry, Brad, no major content changes without my approvalâ
and I donât approve. But you and your company can rest assured
Iâm going to win.â
âThatâs not what the polls say.â
âAllison, give us the latest numbers,â Emily said.
âDickâs fallen from eight points up right after the primary to
ten points down todayâin spite of having a two-to-one advantage
over Banks in name recognition.â
âMaybe now,â I said, âbut after my book isââ
âDick, this book is a really a crappy idea,â Tim said. âAll of us
âExcept Nick,â I said as my financial consultant entered the
office. âHowâre we doing?â
âContributions are down. Please tell me youâre not going ahead
with that book?â
âStop!â I said,. âThank you. Brad, what if I agree to personally
Pianist in a Bordello
cover the first hundred grand of your publisherâs lossesâassuming
there are losses?â
Brad nodded. âGive me something in writing and Iâll take it to
the senior editors.â
âWhile youâre at it,â I said, âremind them that if they donât
agree, Iâll sue their literary socks off âright, Tim?â
âWeâll explore all possible legal remedies.â Tim forced his
voice down to reasonable-lawyer levels. âYou sure as hell donât
want Rob Banks voting on stuff like education or immigration,
âSpeaking of immigration,â Emily said, âtake it out of your
stump speech. If someone asks, skirt the issue. Itâs a huge loser in
parts of your district.â
Now I was the one struggling to keep my voice down. âEmily,
there is no way in hell Iâm not bringing up immigration. Itâs too
important. And Iâm publishing the book. â
That seemed to be the nail in the conversational coffin.
âIs there anything we can do to stop you?â Emily said after a
âWhat if I quit?â Tim said. âWhat if we all quit?â
I walked toward the windows, gazed out at the skyline again,
and counted thirty long seconds. Then walked back to the conference
âYou wonât quit.â
One by one they caught each otherâs gaze, and then they turned
to me. They all nodded.
Emily checked her cell phone.
âIâve got to go. Just remember, Dick, most idealists end up as
footnotes in forgotten tomes in the basements of libraries.â
âYou know, Gandhiââ
âAnd I donât want to hear another one of your fucking Gandhi
* * *
Mike C. Erickson
The next day I picked up Amanda Patina at Sacramento
International Airport. As I watched her descend the escalator in
all her cosmopolitan splendor, I fell in love all over again.
We caught up over ales at the Red Dog Pub.
âSo youâre going ahead with your autobiography,â she said.
âVoters are looking for candidates with integrity, an aura of
probity, and they wonât believe Iâve got it unless I show them
everything, scars and all.â
âI hope youâve kept âaura of probityâ out of your speeches.â
âJust trying to impress a Harvard girl.â
âKnow any Harvard girls?â
âJust you. Anything else to boost my ego?â I asked.
âYouâre deliciously gifted in bed.â
âHey, a quote for the book jacket. Anything else?â
âWell, your tongue is poetic platinum.â Her body began
shaking with a repressed giggle. âAnd didnât you tell me if itâs men
in the race, the tallest guy wins?â
âUsually.â I scanned all the short people walking along the
street in front of the pub.
âI just read about that mayor of New York back in the twenties
who played the piano when campaigning. How about adding
some music to your campaign. You sing a little, and didnât you tell
me you once wanted be a piano player?â
âStill do, but I realized my tongue was better-suited to speaking,
and my fingers â¦ you know about my talent there.â
Her eyes brightened, and she wore a lascivious grin.
âIf you win, do you think you can get Congress to sing your
song and hum your tune?â
âWhen I win, I want to be more than simply a pianist in a
âEven if I sat on your piano and sang your song, Dickie?â Her
grin became even sexier. âSo you want to be the conductor of the
orchestra, right?â she said.
âBefore leaving Congress, I want to become the â¦ musical
soul of a pitch-perfect symphony.â
Pianist in a Bordello
âHave I ever told you how much I love you for your modesty?â
Although my staff had planted the tiniest seed of doubt, my
optimism remained more or less unscathed.
âOne is a majority if he is right,â President Lincoln said after
overruling the wishes of his close advisors. Come Election Day,
Iâd be putting that to the test.
âRichard Milhous Nixon Youngblood
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